Sunday Sessions #78
Start With Why
What we are currently thinking..
The end of year goal rush is in full bloom. But when we are attached to the outcome of our goals without an intrinsic why it sets the playing field for an all or nothing mindset to fester. It leads to people sitting on one of two ends of the extreme come New Year: using motivation and willpower to get ‘somewhere’ or taking strike and doing the opposite of what we know to be good for us - resentful of the actions taken and results not achieved.
Our typical goal setting goes something like this: We set a goal, based on motivation, something tangible, an outcome that can propel us to change. We decide to run a marathon or lose 10kgs. We set targets outlining WHAT we want to achieve, and have come to realise over time that WHAT needs to be followed by HOW. How we are going to achieve them? So we set off on a mission to learn more. We investigate. We figure out how we are going to achieve the goal. Get a plan, hire a coach, join a gym. We gather resources and set in place the systems necessary.
In all of this, the typical mode of goal setting, there’s an overlooked step. WHY did you pick that goal in the first place? “We assume we know why we do what we do”. Probably an uncomfortable feeling. A feeling of not liking where we are. We assume the WHY as it’s built into the WHAT but at this point it’s negative, it’s underdeveloped, it provides no real direction except for not where you currently are.
“He who has a why can bear almost any how” - Frederik Nietzsche.
The idea of why permeates through behaviour change and personal development. From Simon Sinek, to James Clear, to Viktor Frankl, to Frederik Nietzsche. But rarely when we set our goal do we start with, or look to develop, our why.
In Simon Sinek’s book ‘Start With Why’ he discusses the model of the Golden Circle. A target with your WHY at the centre of the bulls-eye. He uses this Golden Circle to demonstrate how leaders like Steve Jobs and Martin Luther King Jr. inspire people through a clearly cultivated why. They start with why, not what.
James Clear uses this same principle when discussing behaviour change in his book Atomic Habits. Identity (why) driven goals strike a value chord that leaves you unwavering in the face of challenges. It provides you with a clear direction.
For example, if you follow a Vegan diet because of the values you hold toward the treatment of animals, you are less likely to falter compared to someone who has heard that a vegan diet will help them to lose those 10kgs the fastest. Likewise, if you see yourself as a runner, you will have less barriers training for a marathon compared to someone who is completing a marathon because they wanted to tick it off the list (and heard somewhere down the line that running was a good way to lose weight).
The goal is the same. How you achieve the goal is the same. But your gravitational pull, your direction is clearer, stronger, because it aligns with who you are.
Think of your why as your compass.
What are your values, or what values are you trying to instil?
Who are you trying to become? What qualities would they embody?
Once you know what way is north, now you can start plotting your course of WHAT and HOW.
But it must start with WHY.